Schools and universities of El Corte Inglés

El Corte InglésThere is no department store I like better than El Corte Inglés (those of you who have been reading what I usually write, know it perfectly well) but it has a major fault: it hasn’t founded any school or university yet. El Corte Inglés offers a variety of products and services but IT HAS NO SCHOOLS FOR OUR CHILDREN AND NO UNIVERSITIES EITHER WHRE THEY COULD COMPLETE THEIR STUDIES.

A big mistake for its part! Truly unforgivable for such an important Company. So, it would be in its interest to fix this mistake: hey, to whom it may concern…it’s time to get moving.

I practically live at El Corte Inglés. I go there very often: at least once a week. I not only buy clothes or things for my home, but I also do the shopping at the supermarket and stop at the cafeteria or the restaurant and have something to eat. Sometimes I also buy something at its hardware store (although I must confess that for that type of tolos and devices I usually go to Leroy Merlin).El Corte Inglés

I love El Corte Inglés for several reasons. The main one is because at El Corte Inglés is rare to find the annoying lumpen proletariat, always a nuisance, that swarm into other stores by the hundreds (Carrefour, for instance). As a matter of fact, Carrefour lives up to its “froggy” name.  On the few occasions that I have been there, I feel thoroughly confused, standing at a crossroads: I never know which way to go. If I turn right, I crash into an uncouth housewife pushing a shopping cart full to the top, with her hellish offspring galloping in the vanguard, trying fruitlessly to domesticate them with her stentorian roars. If I turn left, then I run into a conspiracy of stock clerks who, at this very moment are compulsively stocking the very same shelf from which I try to pick an ítem. Yet they not only don’t move aside, but they also block my path (because this is what stock clerks really do: they prevent consumers from taking the products off the shelves.El Corte Inglés They collect a substantial commission for doing this. It is one of those undercover jobs, like being a double agent: they really make people think that they are there to stock shelves and racks and refill them with merchandise when they are depleted. IT IS NOT TRUE!!! That is not their main task. So, feeling frustrated and helpless (the stock clerks usually are tall, hefty lads, very muscular-looking, who can cover more surface área and prevent customers from slipping throuh a gap) I end up going to another aisle. If I choose the central área it is clear that a gloomy cleaning lady, sulking and peevish, will charge into me like a bull. With one of her Popeye-like arms she pushes her cart with cleaning supplies against my ribs.  Then, with the other arm, she brushes my shoes violently with her filthy mop.El Corte Inglés

Oh, but I don’t want to ramble. Come on, El Corte Inglés’ managers, customers want a new service: you need to open schools and universities all over Spain. The well-known monthly payment would be paid with your El Corte Inglés card, in any department store. How would teachers for those totally private educational centres be chosen? Passing exams, of course, to evaluate their knowledge of the subjects. All of them very learned and skilled. Young, but not too much: between 30 and 40 years old. It is absolutely essential that these teachers are good-looking and smell fantastically well (natural body odor, no perfumes to hide foul body odor). We don’t  marginalize ugly people (our marketing policy must be democratic), but first they have to undergo whatever plastic surgery might be deemed necessary until their looks are tolerable for everybody’s retinas. Don’t you think that knowledge rests and fixes better in our minds if imparted by a male or female beauty? Try and see: when you have a hideous teacher the only thing you have in mind is to get away from the class the minute the bell rings.El Corte Inglés

Most school dropouts are due to teachers being VERY UGLY!!! And not to students being lazy or hopeless. This piece of information has been extracted from PISA studies (from an annex, the one with the small print that nobody understands). Before being hired for the job, every teacher should take a psychological profile test, so El Corte Inglés could get rid of the horde of lunatics and pedophiles on the loose who might be among the candidates.El Corte Inglés

There would be very few pupils per classroom (10 at the most, one for each finger on the hand. This way, the teacher could point a different finger at each pupil) who could be taught using modern technologies effectively.

What would you like to know about? Well, I don’t know, I think I am interested in Lapland. Ok, let’s get on with it! Let’s learn about life in Lapland. Everybody will know where Lapland is situated, the Lapland weather, the traditional Lapland cuisine, its political system…El Corte Inglés

Documentaries, songs, traditional dishes that the pupils themselves could cook at home following local récipes… El Corte InglésWouldn’t it be wonderful? Wouldn’t student learn a lot more that way? Is it worthwhile going to the schools we currently have? They keep teaching you the same drag I was taught in Primary and  Secondary education, with the only little difference of some homework copied and pasted from the Internet and a lot of mobile instant messaging among students to give the lessons a sheen of technological modernity. When will this situation change? When El Corte Inglés takes matters in its own hands and gets involved in educational matters.



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