I want to be perfect but I cannot, therefore I suffer

That’s the name I first chose for my web site, because it shows the spirit that lies underneath all my posts. I soon understood that this name was too long. I like single-word domain names. This is also what I think of people’s names. I find it annoying when personal names and surnames together can easily fill both sides of an A4 sheet of paper. As I hate those pompous (you may say: like yours, and I will have to shut my mouth, or maybe: Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?) hyphenated surnames joined with compound personal names, so I didn’t want to make the same mistake.perfect

Then the name Desorbitada came suddenly, like a comet flashing past my mind. I think it was a good signal. I didn’t have to put a lot of time and thought into it. Desorbitada is short and resounding and I felt attached to it the minute it crossed my mind. A great name to be remembered.

Yes, my desire for perfection –this heavy burden- is driving me crazy. I can’t help it (I must confess that I kind of like it, although it dooms me to frustration). I don’t get up in the morning and whisper to myself: “Listen, Desorbitada, YOU HAVE TO BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT! No, it is not like that.

This longing for a state of flawlessness goes with me from childhood. It is a challenge that I pose to myself. As I can never be that perfect (I’m just human), I suffer deeply.perfecta

My  desire for perfection only concerns this world, not the afterlife. If I ever try to extend it to the unseen realities, I would deservedly be the new Saint Therese of Jesus. I am not able to cope with that yet. I have enough with mundane matters. I set so many goals by the end of the day that it is impossible for me to accomplish them all. I am not a superwoman and I have to sleep (at least a few hours per night). If only my body could withstand sleep deprivation! I would use those useless night hours to do this or that.perfecta

Why this non-stop activity with no beginning and no end? I don’t know. What I do know is that 5 minutes can go a long way, if you don’t waste them. Just try. But time them (with a stopwatch, not your head).blog0066

Another name I considered for my blog was “Ramona se viste de seda” (sorry, you have to speak Spanish to get the connotations of this ). I am a sporadic follower of some woman bloggers such as Rosanna Gil (Moda a mi modo) and Belén Canalejo (Balamoda). I wanted to be like them, how well they do what they do! So I made up this sentence, a nod to the Spanish saying “aunque la mona se vista de seda, mona se queda” (in English: you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear). blog0067

I am Ramona (Ra= he sun god of Ancient Egypt with hawk head and headdress with a sun disk + mona= the Spanish word for “female monkey”, although, as an adjective, it also means: cute, pretty) and however hard I try to be perfect (like those women bloggers whose YouTube videos I sometimes watch) I don’t achieve the desired result.blog0068

So I cannot be like them. I don’t have to. I would rather be myself and follow my own path, hailed by my own out-of-orbit followers. All mine.blog0069

 

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