While watching a YouTube video (Alaska and Mario’s tea party) last night, I just realized that I have a druggie past! And I didn’t have the faintest idea!
The topic of this episode was the use of drugs. They were mentioning alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, heroin… and then somebody put pills and tablets in the same boat! But they are MEDICATION! I mean Lexotan, Valium, Lexotanil, Rivotril and so on. I was just flabbergasted. I truly thought they were ESSENTIAL MEDICINES! Like Tamiflu, Omeprazole, Maxolon or Buscopan, each medicine for a different type of disease. Drugs, my God! I have knocked them back by the hundred!
The medicine cabinet in my childhood home, better stocked than most psychiatric hospitals, was the cornucopia of psychotropics that my mother, a hopeless neurasthenic (or perhaps I should say “my dealer”, from this new point of view) and I, a receptacle of floating anxiety always looking for peace, overexploited with Kantian punctuality. But they were MEDICINES! Essential for disorganized brains and arrhythmic hearts. Totally justified when the shortness of breath becomes unbearable, in order to abort fits of temper before ruining family harmony or just make sure you get a good night’s sleep.
As it turns out, I who thought myself a paragon of healthy lifestyle, have been more hooked on pills and tablets than Nicolas Cage and Elisabeth Shue were on booze in the film Leaving Las Vegas.
It is true that it was very hard for me to stop putting my hand into the box of benzodiazepines every night. But eventually I did it, because I hate dependency. I really hate not being able to do without something or somebody (notice that this sentiment is contradictory to my lifelong quota of obsessive-compulsive disorders, which are constantly tormenting me). That is the reason why I quit pills, and since then I bravely endure the development of my own life.
Thank you Alaska! Tank you Mario! Thanks for opening my eyes and give my mind a new perspective on this matter. And a new term: I am an ex-junkie! The fortune I have saved for so long!
Stoned for free! Lucky me! Thank you mum, thanks for the domestic dealing while we watched the tv show One, two, three! Thank you Social Security doctors, for prescribing drugs galore without taking your eyes off the prescription pad!
Some doctors are more prolific than Borges. And as mute as Harpo. During the five minutes consultation they can fill out several reams of paper with illegible scrawl. Fortunately the seasoned pharmacist deciphers better than Champollion the arcane hieroglyphics, so we just have to pay the goods, shoot off and stuff them down.
Now I am clean. My blood doesn’t have one ounce of all the toxins I used to take. From time to time I desperately miss being a sense-dulled zombie. There are so many anxiogenic stimuli to fight that I am not able to cope with them!